Gone way too soon!

My beleif in God has only gotten stronger through the years. I don't go to church like I should, but I have very strong faith. How else can you explain all the beauty in the world..I have always had it in my heart but I think it may have got stronger when I gave birth for the first time. How does someone explain that, creating a life and then bringing them into the world is just amazing..

Now death on the other hand is just not something that I handle well and can't explain.. Especially to children or people that haven't got a chance to experience all of life's beauties..I had a hard time understanding WHY God would take lifes to early, but I finally realized they must have a differnt plan, a bigger plan.. God knows what he is doing and my Frankie must have been really special to be apart of that BIG plan..

It was Mother's Day "2000" when I got the most shocking horrible news..I called my Aunts house to just say Happy Mother's Day to my mom. Mike picked up the phone and we were having a little disagreement in the past few days so when he wasn't putting her on the phone right away, I figured he was still mad..

So he then asked "If I had someone with me"? I couldn't understand why, So I kept saying put my mom on.. Then he said the words that I would never have expected to here. "Frankie, passed away last night" and my first thought, Who? How can I even think that it's my 21 year old cousin..He made it very clear and I LOST it, dropped the phone and started screaming like a manaiac, ran up the basement stairs and ran out the door.. I just wanted to run and run and not stop until the pain stopped. My friend caught me outside and just held me..She didn't understnad why I was crying though, no one knew the words that I just heard or knew the phone was still on the stairs....

I finally said the words and everyone knew, so It was time to go be with my family.. So we all gathered in the house that so many Christmas partys were held with laughter and happy voices. This was a whole new scene with sad faces and tears. I sat outside on the porch and just kept playing it in my head like it was a bad nightmare that I wanted to wake up from.. Then I thought about what I was doing at that moment the night before. I was in Walgreens and the rain was so hard and so loud and I remember thinking that I never seen the rain like that and then I knew it was the angels crying for him.. It also rained the day of his funeral and me and my aunt had the same feelings about the rain..

The funeral was really nice, well for a funeral anyways..They let out doves, which remind me so much of him. They always find there way home just like he did, He would always ask for rides to the other side of town and end up back home somehow..lol There are so many good memories of Frankie I have.. We didn't get along much as kids we fought a lot.. But we grew up to be really close, ALL of us. Weeks before his death my mom tells me "guess who wants to move in with you" When she said his name, I remeber saying NO he will eat all my cereal.. he didn't have Bowls of cereal he had POTS of cereal..He loved music, he would fall asleep with the radio right next to his head and he sometimes would tell me to rub his hair to fall asleep, just like Ernie.

We had good times. I will always cherish having him in my life. I LOVE you Frankie and WE will never forget you..
11/10/78 to 5/13/2000

Sorry this was so long and anyone that read the whole thing, sorry but I just wanted to let it out in here and reflect on a few memories of him!